Pride month paints cities like Ahmedabad in different hues and shades. Lately, the World Heritage City has become more aware of the gay rights and struggles of the LGBTQ+ community. Multiple NGOs and other organizations in the city have also taken several initiatives like pride parades and street plays.
However, just like privileges, the straight population has way more apps for dating. On the other hand, the dating norms of the gay community remain a mystery.
Umang Sheth, the founder of Ahmedabad-based Hugging Club of India and a curator for healthful spaces, gave an insight into the evolution of dating culture in the gay community. He is also the founder of Mr N Mr, a dating portal that helps gay guys find a life partner more healthily.
Mr N Mr: Healthier Way To Meet Your Mr. Right
“Right now, Mr and Mr has a website and an Instagram. But, everything else is offline. If we launch the app right now, it’ll become the cliche gay dating app where people just connect for casual coupling. This is not what we want,” Umang told Team VOI about his 2021 launched program.
According to the founder, Mr and Mr’s concept is only for people looking for a stable and long-term relationship. It began when a gay person from Ahmedabad tried to end his life after a fake gay marriage bureau in the city promised him one. It was a wake-up call for Umang and his friends.
Then, they launched ‘Mr N Mr’ because they wanted to do something for the community that helps them feel secure and hopeful. Within one and a half years, 55 members have registered, and six people have found their life partner using Mr N Mr.
“In the community, some people are fake, and people face ghosting, blackmailing, and blocking,” Umang exclaimed. He described the four-step extensive verification process for ‘Mr N Mr,’ including a relationship pattern and psychological assessment. Later, Umang said, “There are so many gay people who want to have a relationship, but, do not know where to find one.”
Being Gay In The 90s And More…
Umang, born and brought up in Mumbai, belongs to a Gujarati-origin family. Bullied as a teenager, Umang had a hard time accepting his sexuality. However, when he started meeting people like him as a young adult, he discovered that it was all about casual relationships, affairs, and hookups.
“In the late 90s, there were only two places where the gay community used to hang around, the Gokul bar and Voodoo. But, they were all into chat rooms and hookups. Nobody wanted to sit and talk. If you entered the bar, everyone knew you were gay,” stated Umang.
“Then, I came up with the idea and asked them to meet at McDonald’s. When you enter McD, nobody knows you are gay because it’s a family place. I told people to identify me with my black cap. That’s how I started GayBombay, where I used mailing lists to ask people to gather and that became a success,” Umang explained when asked about the 1988 origin story of GayBombay.
“Under GayBombay, we did a lot of activities like meeting parents, picnics, parties, and speed dating. That’s how it grew, and now it’s a huge entity,” said Umang.
What Does Ahmedabad Think?
Team VOI was able to tap in with Chaitya Shah, a resident of Ahmedabad who belongs to the gay community. He said, “Things have changed for the gay community in Ahmedabad. But, cruising points still exist, and people are interested in quick and casual. On the other hand, a chunk of the community is still scared to come out of the closet. They are afraid that people might judge and discriminate them.”
Sharing his understanding of the dating culture, Shah told Team VOI, “Nowadays, married bisexuals have invaded the queer dating apps and made dating awkward. They have also become a place for scammers, frauds and money-makers who take undue advantage of the fact that people are secretive about their sexual orientation. Many friends from the community have been trapped in such blackmailing cases,” avowed Chaitya.
According to him, serious relationships are rare and hard to find, and few people get lucky enough to find their life partners. However, he believes that a safe space like Mr N Mr can help amend the current dating scenario for gays.
“Definitely, if there is something safer than the current options, it will help all the LGBTQ+ community. They can find their life partners and healthy relationships without being exploited,” said Chaitya.
Read More: Pride, Politics & Prejudice Aside, Why Does Maharashtra Matter?
